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Over the previous few years, I’ve realized one thing large about myself: I’m a Happiness Chaser.
I would like what I would like, and I would like it proper now, nearly to the purpose that I pine for the longer term as a result of the longer term is a mystical and magical place the place I’ll lastly have all the pieces I would like so I might be pleased. It’s nearly like I stay 10 steps forward in my very own thoughts. Slightly than being current, I’m so targeted on the purpose I overlook to understand the issues I truly do have.
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At this time, I’m going to fill you in on a private downside I’ve been engaged on: How my obsession with happiness, pleasure, and satisfaction leaves me stressed and unfulfilled.
How I Found I Have This Drawback
This put up is the primary in a collection I’m going to name “Let’s Speak In regards to the Enneagram With out Really Speaking In regards to the Enneagram”.
That stated, I do know most of you most likely aren’t Enneagram nerds like me, and utilizing the language of the Enneagram will most likely be complicated and throw a few of you off. So in these “Let’s Speak In regards to the Enneagram With out Really Speaking In regards to the Enneagram” posts, I’m going to fill you in on the issues I’ve realized about myself and others, utilizing regular on a regular basis vocab anybody can perceive.
Now, I found I’ve this Happiness Chasing downside after I began studying about my Enneagram Quantity: Type Seven. Deep down, all Sevens really need is happiness, satisfaction, and achievement, and their concern is of being trapped in emotional ache and deprivation from choices. However… what does this actually imply?
It wasn’t till I began how I chase happiness in my life that I spotted… My obsession with pleasure is actually inflicting me plenty of ache.
If I Might Want For One Factor, I Would Need to Be “Comfortable”
If I had been to ask you to want for one factor in life, what would you would like for?
It’s a fairly widespread query, and I’m assuming you’ve been requested loads of occasions in your life. However to be trustworthy, I’ve a very exhausting time answering it, as a result of I would like SO MANY THINGS and this stuff are at all times altering.
However after I actually give it some thought, all I would like is to be pleased. However after all, it is a boring reply, so I often give you one thing extra artistic so I don’t disappoint or confuse anybody who asks me.
So, what do I imply after I say I need to be pleased? I’ve realized that every one I would like is to really feel content material, happy, fulfilled, and filled with pleasure.
I need to have a loving household and relationship with my husband, a profession I take pleasure in that feels fulfilling and significant, a pleasant house, a wholesome physique and thoughts, and the liberty to journey, discover, and take a look at new issues, plus some incredbile adventures. Is that an excessive amount of to ask for?? Isn’t this what everybody needs??
However I can’t reply the query this fashion, in any other case, I get individuals asking me, “Are you not pleased now? What do you imply you simply need to be pleased??”
To be trustworthy, the reality is that sure, I’m constructive, optimistic, and enthusiastic, however how can I really be “pleased” after I’m chasing happiness on a regular basis?
This makes me pleased
All I Want is _______, And Then I’ll Be Comfortable
Right here’s one other factor I’ve realized about myself: I consider happiness as one thing outdoors of myself that I’ve to go and get. It’s like there’s a chunk of me that’s lacking, and I believe that if I simply get this THING all of the items will fall into place and I’ll lastly be happy.
However then after I truly get the thing of my want, I don’t really feel 100% happy and fulfilled, so I select a brand new factor to chase. It goes one thing like this:
As soon as I transfer overseas I’ll lastly be pleased! Oh… nicely the explanation I’m not pleased is that I’m in the middle of nowhere and underpaid, if I get a greater job in a much bigger metropolis, then I’ll be pleased. Properly, I’m nonetheless not pleased as a result of I feel trapped in my job, I simply actually want to work for myself. Now that I’m working for myself and touring, the explanation I’m not pleased is as a result of I’m touring an excessive amount of and I’m exhausted, I ought to decelerate and concentrate on making extra money, then I’ll be much less confused and happier. Oh, nicely I’m nonetheless not pleased as a result of I haven’t designed my profession in a method that fits me. If I simply…
This fixed loop of chasing the following factor goes on, and on, and on, and on FOREVER. This has actually been me my ENTIRE LIFE. Worse but is that I’m typically chasing a couple of factor at a time, and after I do get that factor I would like and I’m not IMMEDIATELY happy, I don’t even take the time to take pleasure in it. Speak about exhausting…
Random Expertise: I Chased Filming Home Hunters Worldwide
I’ve At all times Chased After The Issues I Need
Right here’s the factor, I’ve at all times had a fairly type-A, bold, go-getter persona. I chase after the issues I would like, whether or not that’s straight A’s or profession success, touring the world, beginning my very own enterprise, or even relationships (awkward).
My dad and mom realized fairly early on that I didn’t like listening to “no” for a solution, so principally I used to be an terrible two-year-old. Sorry about that…
I typically joke that I’m like Locke from Misplaced: DON’T TELL ME WHAT I CAN’T DO!!!
However the issue while you’re a Happiness Chaser and also you need EVERYTHING is that you just chase after issues indiscriminately. Once you simply need to be pleased however don’t know precisely what’s going to get you there, this creates trial-and-error nervousness of simply doing and experiencing all the pieces within the hopes that you just’ll discover what you’re searching for.
The extra choices and alternatives, the extra nervousness I really feel as a result of I have to attempt all of them to know what I really need.
Exploring Georgia initially of 2020!
For Instance: Discovering the “Excellent” Nation to Dwell in
I really feel this intense want to seek out the “excellent” nation to calm down in. With the world as my oyster, how can I probably select when none of them are 100% proper?
Can’t I’ve the food, language, and transportation of Mainland China, with the seashores and rice fields of Hoi An, with the wine, cheese, long-term expats, and skill to get issues from house you’d have in Georgia, with a type of villas you discover in Bali, however then throw in US buying and Dealer Joes and usher in all my family and friends from the US and Australia… after which add Australian healthcare when you’re at it with some New Zealand politics?
Wow, that was positively within the prime 10 most obnoxiously privileged issues I’ve ever stated in my life.
That stated, I actually do really feel like if I preserve shifting round and making an attempt new locations I’m going to ultimately stumble into a rustic that’s 100% excellent for me and my life. However the issue with that is that it’s unattainable and EXHAUSTING.
I’ll be trustworthy, sure I LOVE having choices and freedom. I crave it. However the extra choices you’ve gotten, the extra stress there may be to seek out the PERFECT factor.
The extra alternatives and experiences you may chase, the extra you spend your complete life chasing. That is a part of the reason is forced to stay in Georgia due to COVID has truly been unimaginable for my psychological well being and sanity.
When Pleasure Exists Outdoors of Your self, You’ll By no means Be Comfortable
Right here’s one thing I’ve been making an attempt to be taught the exhausting method: When happiness exists as one thing outdoors of your self that it is advisable to go and GET, you’ll by no means really be pleased.
As a result of guess what? Happiness is an emotion, not an merchandise, nation, expertise, or individual. Happiness comes from appreciating the great issues in your life, not indiscriminately chasing after stuff.
The extra you chase after the belongings you assume will make you content, the much less happy you’re with what you even have. The extra issues or experiences you assume you want to be able to be fulfilled, the much less fulfilled you’ll really be.
Extra pandas = extra happiness?
It’s Unimaginable to Be Comfortable All of the Time
The factor with us Happiness Chasers, is that we see any destructive emotion or dissatisfaction as an issue that must be mounted… instantly. Then we begin arising with all of the issues we have to do to “repair it”.
This manifests itself as frustration. My needs and needs are NEEDS and I NEED to repair this downside RIGHT NOW.
However right here’s the factor… let’s say my want got here true, and I used to be 100% pleased, happy, and fulfilled on a regular basis. Magically, I awakened tomorrow and had all the pieces I ever needed with no issues in my life.
Wow… how boring does that sound? There could be nothing left for me to DO or chase, and if I’m not chasing one thing then… who am I?
I guess you that inside a number of days I’d discover one thing else I assumed I NEEDED to be able to be pleased. The bar would shift, the objectives would change, and I’d be chasing one thing else.
As a result of while you chase happiness, it means deep down you’re at all times dissatisfied.
Having fun with the second on my wedding ceremony day
Studying to Benefit from the Second
Us Happiness Chasers have a gap inside ourselves that wants filling. Now we have an insatiable want to run, chase, get hold of and expertise all the pieces on this world in hopes that we’ll lastly really feel full. That we’ll be achieved, we’ll be content material, and eventually happy.
However what if I advised you that no object, individual, or expertise goes to fill that gap and make you are feeling pleased?
So… how do you do you discover happiness with out looking out outdoors of your self? Properly, that is the half I’m nonetheless engaged on.
However I believe the simplest approach to discover happiness inside your self is to really recognize the great issues you have already got in your life and to take a while to be pleased about the wonderful belongings you do obtain and expertise.
No, I don’t imply it is advisable to change into a monk and forsake all worldly pleasures! However how about taking the time to have fun while you do get that elevate, as an alternative of questioning why your life isn’t 100% excellent though you bought that profession success? Or as an alternative of being targeted on how your journey was canceled as a consequence of COVID, why not attempt to take a while to understand your great kitchen, large cozy sofa, or that superior ebook you’re studying?
Why take pleasure in my kayaking safari after I may very well be residing in my head?
Being within the Second Whereas We Journey
Inform me if this sounds such as you:
I used to be listening to the Enneagram and Coffee Podcast, whereas host Sarah Jane Case (and fellow Happiness Chaser), was speaking about her first time visiting Europe. She and a buddy had been standing on the base of the Eiffel Tower, and whereas her buddy stared up in awe, Sarah stated, “Wow, I can’t look ahead to Berlin. It’s going to be so wonderful!”.
At this level, her buddy turned to her and stated, “We’re on the EIFFEL TOWER, what the heck is incorrect with you?”
We Happiness Chasers are likely to have a “been there achieved that” mentality in terms of happiness, and I actually am tremendous responsible of this!
I stay my life half within the current and half sooner or later, so whereas I’m having enjoyable and having fun with my travels within the second, typically I discover myself daydreaming in regards to the subsequent vacation spot whereas I’m already someplace unimaginable and thrilling. What?? Why???
What’s the purpose of experiencing one thing for those who’re not going to actually expertise it?
My Ideas For Discovering True Happiness, and Not Chasing It
This Happiness Chasing behavior goes to be a giant self-improvement mission that I could by no means fairly grasp, however I’ve realized a number of classes these previous few years that a few of you fellow Happiness Chasers could discover useful.
1. Get Out of Your Head and Into Your Physique
I are likely to stay in my thoughts, always occupied with new experiences, alternatives, adventures, and concepts I have to discover. However this fixed buzzing in your head and residing sooner or later actually isn’t wholesome, so I’ve been engaged on pulling myself out of my head and again into my physique.
The very best factor I’ve discovered for that is yoga. I do a Yoga With Adriene video each single morning (I’ve been biking via all her 30 days of yoga collection). This actually helps me begin the time off proper, and I can positively inform that on the times I don’t do it, I really feel extra scattered.
In the course of the day if I begin to discover myself getting caught in my head, I shut my eyes, put my ft on the bottom and take a number of deep breaths. It actually helps calm me down!
You may have fun by making your self a banner?
2. Slightly than Ask “What’s Lacking” I Admire What I Have and Obtain
It’s humorous that most individuals assume we’re joyful optimists as a result of we actually focus loads on what we don’t have for somebody who is meant to be a “glass-half-full” kind of individual. Sure, I see the world as a collection of boundless alternatives, however I additionally are likely to pinpoint the issues I believe are lacking in my very own life. When my achievements don’t go away me utterly happy and fulfilled, I’m already onto the following factor.
However I’ve been making an attempt to spend time daily to really feel grateful and pleased in regards to the issues I do have. After I do get one thing I would like, I make a while to have fun that achievement, and actually benefit from the second.
In fact, I nonetheless battle with this (loads), and I nearly don’t consider it when individuals inform me that I’m “residing the dream” or I’m already “tremendous profitable” as a result of I’m targeted on the potential and the longer term. However taking just a little time to understand what I have already got or the achievements I’ve made has been extraordinarily useful.
3. Be Picky With What You Chase
We assertive individuals will at all times be chasing one thing, whether or not it’s profession success, good grades, pleasure, or journey. However we must be picky with what we chase.
Slightly than chasing EVERYTHING that sounds attention-grabbing, I’ve been making an attempt to essentially sit with myself and make deliberate, achievable objectives. As a result of guess what? Happiness isn’t concrete. Neither is “I need to achieve success” or “I need to journey”.
You understand how you get these issues? You say, “I need to save up XYZ {dollars} by [insert specific date here] in order that I can journey to India for one month”. Or, how about “I need to have a brand new on-line course created by the tip of December”. Then you may truly take concrete steps in direction of these objectives and make them achievable.
Don’t overlook to take a while to understand that purpose while you ultimately DO obtain it!
Are You a Happiness Chaser?
I’m curious: are any of you want me? Did this ring true for anybody else right here? Please let me know in a remark!
I’m truly very curious to know who else right here struggles with this stuff, and what you’re doing to beat it, particularly throughout COVID after we CAN’T journey or do most of the issues we predict will make us pleased.
Are you curious about studying extra about this “Enneagram with out the Enneagram” stuff? I positively plan on writing extra about this and my relationship to FOMO, the grass is at all times greener mindset, desirous to be “profitable” and extra!
As at all times, if there’s one thing you need to be taught extra about or know extra about, let me know in a remark so I can write about it in a future put up!
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